Overcoming Emotional Triggers: Strategies for Inner Healing

Hey Queen,

Wooo Chileeee, Personal Growth is Everything.

There used to be a time when I didn’t know what I wanted in life. It made it easy for me to follow others’ leads and never really feel satisfied. This morning, I was talking to my ex, and he asked me to go on a trip with him. To most, that would sound like a romantic getaway, but to me, the destination sounded like a nightmare. Last week, a friend told me that I dislike so many things. She was talking about a person who I believe to be a Trojan horse, but she has many accolades for him. The place where we agreed is that he is a great communicator; our opinions of him were vastly different.

But in each of these examples, when I looked back to examine the conversation, I realized that I am far removed from my “people-pleaser” days. I’m not only clear about the yeses in my life but also the nos. That was not an easy journey, and it took years to unravel the need to agree to keep the peace or to be liked. You might think I’ve just learned to adjust myself, but the truth is, I went on a journey of self-discovery.

The answer or the adjustment had nothing to do with what was happening around me, but what was happening within me. The need to agree, apologize, shrink, accommodate—I have learned—is all steeped in my trauma. It is not enough to shift one’s mindset because thinking positively is not healing. Healing allows one to pinpoint the genesis of the trigger, thereby discovering the cause. Once we get to the cause, the work begins. But this is where the unraveling of the trauma starts.

Being steeped in the need to accommodate others directly led to my feelings of unworthiness. My unworthiness led directly to my childhood and so on. Anytime one feels the need to withdraw or lash out, it is directly connected to a source of pain that we are holding within our body, heart, and mind. It is different for everyone because we all respond to things in our own way. These emotions are very real, and like a dormant computer program, they remain there until they are uninstalled and a new program is put in their place.

So, not only do we need healing, we need an upgrade. We are living in an iPhone 15 world running Sony flip phone technology. I get it—the work ain’t easy. But neither was learning to walk, learning a trade, or riding a bike. Who wants to revisit those old scars? Well, sometimes you just have to let it go, but from the marrow of the situation, or do the healing work. Think about that next time you are triggered or something bothers you. You can examine it simply by pausing before you respond and asking, “Why?”

Self-discovery is a powerful tool for getting to know yourself better. Socrates said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom,” and the older I get, the truer it becomes. I understand now why older people say what they mean and mean what they say. If you’re on this journey and need some help, or if you want to begin, I created a journal to support the process. It’s called “Self Love Renaissance,” and it’s available on Amazon for the physical version. I created it after people constantly told me that I seemed so different. I told them I went on a self-discovery journey to find out who I am because I was tired of being disconnected from myself. If you want to check it out, you can visit Amazon.  It also makes great gifts (just saying). The important thing I’ll leave you with is this: the key to truly being unbothered and unaffected by this thing called life is to know yourself. Have an amazing day and know that you are appreciated.

Monica Wisdom,

Host, Black Women Amplified | Podcast

Coach and Biz Mentor, The Amplified Podcasting Academy